Welcome to the 41 Club Buddies Page
All of us need to talk to someone occasionally…
Most of the time we’re OK and deal with whatever ‘stuff’ life throws at us but sometimes it’s good to talk. Most of the time it will be with our family or close friends but every now and then, the very people who are closest to us aren’t always the ones we can easily open up to – and being men of a certain age and background, we don’t always find it easy to ask for support.
That is where the 41 Club Buddies come in and why the Buddyline number has been set up.
This page provides information about the Buddyline and about other supporting organisations who you might find helpful.
For Each 41 Club
Our 41 Club Association is based upon a strong fellowship with each other – and all 41 Clubs should be asking themselves whether they are engaging with their own Club members as the ‘first line’ of support.
- Has one of your members not attended your Club virtual meeting for a while or may not have been in touch?
- Maybe take some time to contact them - just to chat and ensure they are OK?
- Perhaps your Club could set up an informal ‘rota’ to contact those ‘infrequent’ members.
At the end of the day, we are all buddies to each other and all Clubs should ensure we are all living up to our Association’s Toast – ‘To Continued Friendship”.
If you would like a speaker at your Club meeting to talk about the 41 Club Buddies, please contact your National Councillor or Peter McBride on Region24@41club.org
The 41 Club Buddyline is here between 10am and 10pm seven days a week for any member who would like to chat about anything that is worrying them.
The Buddyline is a service that any 41 Club member can phone for a chat about anything they want to. Members may be feeling fed up, lonely, isolated or just feeling a bit fed up for whatever reason.
03301 07 07 40
Hints and Tips to help have supportive conversations with your fellow 41 Club members
Being a member of a 41 Club is all about fellowship with our fellow members. Whether we do it consciously or not, this includes supporting and listening to our fellow members as a friend, mate or buddy.
Most of the time, we do this simply by chatting, sharing a joke, exchanging anecdotes or just having a drink together. When the rare occasions arise however, that need a little more engagement, it can sometimes be difficult to have the conversation.
This document includes some suggested conversations and approaches when deciding to either make that call or if a fellow member calls yourself. They are only suggestions – you will have your own way of talking and can adopt, adapt and improve them.
If they have internet connectivity you can always advise them of the contact details of the various National support organisations displayed on the 41 Club Buddies Page on https://41clubconnects.co.uk/41-club-buddyline/
You could also remind them of the anonymous Buddyline service on 03301 07 07 40 – available 10am to 10pm, seven days a week.
How should I start a telephone conversation?
“Hello <name> it’s <your name> from <Club name> 41 Club – we haven’t seen you for a while, so I thought I’d give you a call to see how you are in these difficult days.”
What do I talk about?
41 Club & Round Table
- Have they been getting the various information about your meetings/Zoom calls etc.?
- Are they aware of what’s been happening on your Club’s meetings/calls? Maybe you could update them on a few items of your Club’s news – or any items of interest?
- If they haven’t been joining your meetings recently, why is that? How could the Club help them? Do they need help with the technology?
- Do they keep in touch with any other members? Would they like to?
- Do they know when your next Club meeting is? AGM?
- If they have family, how are they – are they well?
- Have their children grown up now? What are they doing these days? Do they keep in touch? Are they live locally?
- Grandchildren? How old are they now? If in school, do you know how have they coped with the lockdown and now if they are returning to school?
- (Share your family news)
Television / Radio:
- Have they been watching the TV? What do they like to watch / favourite TV/Radio programmes?
- Do they prefer Dramas / Soaps / Sport / News / Nature documentaries / Quizes / Gardening / DIY? Which ones and why? (Share what yours are and why)
- When do they tend to watch TV? Morning, lunchtime, afternoon or evening? (Share when you tend to watch)
- What’s on this evening? Will you be watching it?
- Did they see / hear about / read about the <news items>? What did they think about about that? Discuss any news item that interests them
- (Share your thoughts)
- What type of music do they prefer?
- Favourite groups / artists over the years? What would they say is their best album / song?
- Ever seen them live? If so where or when?
- (Share who you like and why)
- What sport did they / do they enjoy?
- Do they have a favourite Football / Rugby / Cricket team or player? Did they used to watch them live? Best player in their opinion?
- Do they have a favourite sportsman/woman?
- (Share your preferences)
- Do they enjoy reading? Newspapers / magazines / books?
- Favourite books / authors?
- (Share your preferences)
- What has been their favourite holiday destination? Why is that?
- Do they have a special memory about a destination?
- Who did they travel there with?
- (Share your preferences)
- What is their favourite type of food? Which nationality?
- What is/was their favourite restaurant?
- Do they have a special memory about a restaurant?
- (Share your preferences)
- What are their hobbies? E.g. Gardening, bird watching, walking, other?
- How did they get into them or start? What is it that they like?
- Do they still do these? Why is that? Do they know a local interest group they could join?
- (Share your preferences)
Should I ask about their basic welfare?
In any call, it may also be important just to check some welfare aspects such as:
- Do they have a supply of food and general house supplies?
- Are they eating well?
- Do they have enough supply of their regular medication? How are they getting these?
- Do they have neighbours checking on them?
- How are they feeling during this pandemic?
I’m not used to befriending my fellow members on the phone – how do I do this?
- The most important thing is to be ‘present’ during your phone call. If possible, minimise background noise, which could be a distraction.
- Have a piece of paper to hand to make a note of anything that comes up that you might forget after the call.
- Length of the call
There is no right or wrong length so play it by ear, keeping in mind that a person’s energy levels may be different at different times of the day, and from one day to another.
I feel like I’m talking a lot, and the conversation is drying up.
You may find that your conversation comes to a natural end after 15 minutes or less, even if you have made a note of possible topics of conversation. That’s OK. It’s more important to let someone know you are thinking of them and glad to be in touch with them than staying on the line in awkward silence.
I can barely get a word in!
You may find that having a listening ear is all a person needs, and they are keener to chat than to hear from you. This is understandable, especially if you are the only person they have spoken to for a while.
It might be worth making a note of the topics your caller especially enjoys talking about in case you talk to them again.
What happens if the person gets anxious or upset during the call?
We all have good days and bad days. If the person shares how they are feeling, the most important thing is to listen and not dismiss their emotions.
Rather than straightaway trying to distract them from feeling low, acknowledge how they are feeling, before gently introducing a different topic of conversation.
What happens if the person asks for something, I’m not able to help with or I don’t know the answer?
Anything you’re not sure about, share that with the person and if you are happy to, let them know you will check and get back to them. A simple, ‘I’m not sure about that, but I’ll do my best to find out’ should reassure someone that you have listened to their questions and concerns and you will try to find an answer.
How do I end the call?
- Finish on a positive note and use the person’s name when you say goodbye. It may seem like a small thing, but it can mean a lot.
- “I’ve really enjoyed speaking with you”
What about after the call?
- Take a moment to reflect on how you feel the call went.
- What did you think went well and you could share with others to improve their own confidence doing the same, whilst maintaining privacy?
- What did you think could’ve gone better and how would you do it differently next time?
- Is there anything urgent that needs escalating regarding the person’s immediate needs for food, medication, or signposting to other services?
03301 07 07 40
Other Available Help
When you can’t speak to a 41 Club Buddy, below are some other organisations that you might find helpful:
The Silver Line is the confidential, free helpline for older people across the UK open every day and night of the year. Our specially trained helpline staff offer information, friendship and advice, link callers to local groups and services, offer regular befriending calls and protect and support those who are suffering abuse and neglect.
If callers would like to be put in touch with Silver Line Friends, they can receive a regular weekly friendship call or email. Or they may like to join a Silver Circle and take part in a regular group call on subjects that interest them.
0800 4 70 80 90
Samaritans is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide throughout the United Kingdom and Ireland. When someone calls Samaritans, the caller’s number is not displayed to the volunteer.
They may ask your name, because it’s a natural question to ask in a conversation but callers don’t have to tell us if you prefer not to. “We offer a safe place for you to talk any time you like, in your own way – about whatever’s getting to you. We won't judge you or tell you what to do, we'll listen to you.”
We provide advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. We believe no one should have to face a mental health problem alone. We'll listen, give you support and advice, and fight your corner.
0300 123 3393
9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday
We provide support and guidance to individuals and groups across the UK in starting and managing Men’s Sheds. We raise awareness of the social and health benefits of Men’s Sheds in reducing isolation, loneliness and in empowering local communities.
We provide community spaces for men to connect, converse and create. The activities are often similar to those of garden sheds, but for groups of men to enjoy together. They help reduce loneliness and isolation, but most importantly, they’re fun.
0300 772 9626
Lifeline is the Northern Ireland crisis response helpline service for people who are experiencing distress or despair. No matter what your age or where you live in Northern Ireland, if you are or someone you know is in distress or despair, Lifeline is here to help.
0808 808 8000
24 hours a day, every day
The Cruse National Helpline is staffed by trained bereavement support volunteers, who offer emotional support to anyone affected by a bereavement. Our volunteers are here to help you talk things through. They can also help you find your local Cruse service, or signpost you to support groups, financial advice, and other useful sources of information.
0808 808 1677
9.30am to 5pm Monday and Friday and 9.30am to 8pm Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
For people in the UK who are down or have hit a wall for any reason, who need to talk or find information and support. They offer an accredited confidential, anonymous and free support, information and signposting to people anywhere in the UK through their helpline.
0800 58 58 58
5pm – midnight every day
Whether you have anxiety, stress, anxiety-based depression or a phobia that’s affecting your daily life, we’re here to help you. And we’re fully supported by an expert team of medical advisors.
Phone 03444 775 774
Or text: 07537 416 905
Mon-Fri 09:30 - 17:30
Age UK's advice line is a free, confidential national phone service for older people, their families, friends, carers and professionals. Our team will give you information that is reliable and up to date and help you to access the advice you need. We do get calls from people who are lonely or tearful too. If you’re feeling lonely or you need some practical help and support, we want you to know that you can call us. Although you might feel alone, you’re not alone, and there are people out there who can help.
Advice Line: 0800 678 1602
8am-7pm every day
AbilityNet's amazing network of ITCanHelp volunteers help older people and disabled people to use technology to achieve their goals. They can come to you in the comfort of your own home or assist remotely to help you overcome any challenges you are facing in the digital world.
0800 048 7462
Mon – Fri Office hours